Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Helpful Tips? And Then Some! #plparker #scifi #timetravel

January seems to be the month when helpful tips abound.  How to do this! How to do that! What to avoid! What to eat! Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Spinach? Big etc.

In keeping with these ages-old self-helps, here are a few tips I've compiled on my own to help in these times of self-reflection.

1 - Check your nipples before you leave the house!  I know! This sounds weird but I once watched a movie years ago, maybe Van Wilder or Sorority Boys, and in that movie, the girls' t-shirts get wet.  Of course they are bra-less, but I've never forgotten the fact that I believe the girl, Bree Turner's nipples were uneven, one high and the other low, and it looked really weird.  Note to self. Check the mirror before you leave and if there is a hint of nipples, make sure they are hanging even.

2 - Never leave a public restroom before you check your behind in the mirror! I've seen this happen and I must confess, it happened to me.  I was about ready to leave the restroom in a casino in Virginia when the attendant stopped me.  She didn't speak very good English and I'm hard of hearing so we were having some issues communicating.  Finally, she grabbed my arm, turned me around and motioned for me to look.  There it was!  A toilet seat cover hanging from my waistband.  OMG!  The horror. What if I'd actually walked out with that white flag flapping on my rear.  In retrospect, I will forever be grateful to that attendant.  Though embarrassing, it could have been a complete disaster.

3 - Tweeze those nose hairs. If you are trying to be taken seriously, get those suckers trimmed.  If you don't, whatever important issue you are trying to convey will get lost because your captive audience will only be focusing on the insane growth leaking from your nostrils.  Seen that!  

4 -  Maybe I'm from a different era but, ladies, shave those underarms!  It's almost a shock to my system when an attractive young lady raises her arm and there is this massive bush just waiting to spring forth! One of my favorite places to go is to Stanley, Idaho, and I see this quite often along with the unshaved legs, etc. Okay! Okay! It's your right, feminist ladies! Seems to be a trend with the fashion world. The issue is mine to bear. Just give me a few moments to collect myself before you expect me to speak.

5 - Of course there is always the issue of eating garlic or onions on a special date or otherwise. Never, never choose those options unless your date is eating the same.  

I'm sure there are thousands more helpful hints I could add to this list and if you have any of your own, feel free to message me and I'll add them in.  

Blessings for the New Year and my hope is that each of you will have special things happen in 2022!


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